Free Toys.

Oh - and by the way.

Remember that free toy at the bottom of the Frosted Flakes box? Yeah? The one that little Jimmy groped through the cereal for an hour and a half with his obviously unwashed and newly potty trained hands for?

Good luck trying to eat that with a clear mind.


Thanks for putting the free stuff at the bottom and causing young ones to inevitably desecrate our favorite breakfast cereals around the world.

Now I have to buy a whole new box. Douchebag.

Cereal Boxes.

Seriously.

How did I manage to ever get these bags of cereal open when I was a kid? With the added challenge of the early-morning-lack-of-strength, it is virtually impossible to bust open one of these cereal bags safely these days.

Vacuum packed and welded shut to keep your Lucky Charms shelf-life long enough to keep around for the nuclear holocaust. Thanks, douchebags.

OH.

And once I finally crack the safe with all the cool gadgets I got from Q over at MI6 (you've got to be James Bond to sneak into these boxes) the contents of the whole bag explodes and spreads everywhere like that cheap box of fireworks you bought from "some guy my brother knows" in the Costco parking lot in Nashua at 3am. Makes 52 card pickup actually look like family fun.

Once you jam that bag back into the box it belongs in - I DEFY YOU to fit that horribly misshapen box back into your neat little cereal section in the pantry. NOT GONNA HAPPEN, PAL. That box is as bloated as your mother after the company party at the Hong Kong - "I'll have another Mai Tai - IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!"


Where are the breakfast engineers.

Subs.

DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED WITH THIS BITCH.

THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER EATEN A MEATBALL SUB.


When the sub breaks - FROM THE BOTTOM.



SEE YOU LATER MARINARA AND SEE YOU LATER MEATBALLS

WELCOME TO MY CLOTHES AND PUBLIC AND/OR PRIVATE EMBARASSMENT/HUMILIATION

Wrappers.

I think,

that every time I open a little thing of those super-cheap crackers or a Hershey's candy bar, I split that stupid tab thing that you are supposed to grab onto in order to open the bag or wrapper or whatever you want to call it.

I don't know about you, readers, but I don't keep a utility knife or a nice pair of Fiskars in my back pocket. And those might not even work with the crackers - you might as well snort the crumbs from them by the time you actually get the bastard open.

This should not be common. I shouldn't need a plasma cutter to open the Fort Knox packaging on my Hershey's bar, just to make a complete mess out of the s'more it's just going to turn into.

Finally.

Congress has now become fed up with the uncomfortably loud infomercials.

If you have ever found yourself saying, "Is it just me or is this Billy Mays commercial super loud, thus forcing me to turn down the volume way more often than I need to?" - then it isn't just you. Turns out that these infomercials are actually WAY louder than standard programming - and Congress is PISSED.


This is what I like to see/hear - people actively working against annoying stuff so everyone doesn't have to deal with it. Thank you.

Carrying Heavy Stuff

these guys are movers. they do it professionally. however, when anyone is a non-mover and carrying heavy stuff upstairs, someone gets shafted. not with most of the weight, but the person on the top end who is actually carrying less weight is put in the most awkward position since close-to-home misplaced molestation jokes. The person on top is squatting trying to get upstairs and leaning in some impossible way, while still trying to carry some amount of the weight. fucking sucks. your body should never be crouched trying to stay low and trying ascend at the same time, its like trying to jump and stay crouched the entire time....what?

"It's A Free Country."

I have very rarely heard this phrase ACTUALLY used when it is warranted.

Sure, "it's a free country". You're free to door a meter maid for a particularly nasty parking ticket. You're free to run over your ex-boyfriend after a particularly nasty break-up. You're free to steal 10 xbox games from someone's dorm room.

You're also free to spend a few years in jail or be a raging douchebag. No worries, right?

Before you ever say this phrase, think and try to give ANY other reason to replace that phrase. Chances are it makes more sense.

Rock Band/Guitar Hero.

Although this blogger does enjoy his Rock Band or Guitar Hero every now and then, something has emerged from the fun and entered the PEEVEzone.

Thanks to these games, I have heard Carry On My Wayward Son more times than I have ever wanted to - ON THE RADIO.

PLEASE.

From playing the game enough, I know The Police's Message In A Bottle by heart. I DO NOT need to hear it on the radio 5 times a day.

My air guitar has become WAY too accurate.

Coffee Book Tables. (Courtesy of Russo)

There is no argument against this.

You've found an absolutely splendid couch and you have 100% set up a serious camp on it. You look in front of you and see the coffee table. In your head, you think, "OH YES. I AM MOST CERTAINLY GETTING MY LEG REST GOING ON WITH THIS HERE COFFEE TABLE."

You put your feet on the edge of the coffee table.

LATER.

The fucking thing slips out from your feet and slides across the floor like a piece of butter. Sucks.

Or worse: You get your jam on with that coffee table - no slidage. Then some douche who you barely know flops down on the couch, sees your feet and then decides that copying you is a great call. NOW the table slides away.

THANKS, PAL - LOVE, JAY.

Billy Mays needs to get on this shit. Quickly.

Entitlement instead of Cooperation.

I don't have road rage. I don't care when people go kinda slow or don't put their blinker on or whatever. yeah, they suck, but it doesn't get me that bad. But what fucking bugs the shit out of me is when people "merge" into the highway by NOT slowing down or speeding up to meet a gap in the lane, but instead hugging the white line on the right side and following it until it is fully merged into the highway, staying the same speed the whole time and not looking around AT ALL to work with other people to let them in. No, they just feel entitled to a spot in the lane where the right white line closes the merging lane into the regular highway. What fucks.

Idiots

I fucking hate it when I go to a show and am excited to go see a band i really like, and then the fucking young-ass kids standing in front of me or to the side of me think it will make them the most popular kids in high school if they give the band a high five, and makes jokes with the band like they know them, but they are just saying them really really loud and being super fucking giggly with one another. or the gross kinda skanky girl dancing just a little bit too close. or the too drunk girl yelling when it isnt appropriate and the equally douchy and stoked boyfriend.

goddamn.

Sweatshirts.

You know that sweatshirt that you have that you really like - except there is ONE thing wrong with it.

The cuffs on the sleeves are looser than Paris Hilton's overused vagina and you're basically forced to pull the sleeves up to your elbows.

This is REALLY similar to the stretched shirt neck peeve of mine. The stretched out sleeves are so awkward feeling. The worst part is knowing that the entire sweatshirt fits TOTALLY normally with the exception of the sleeves.

Good luck eating a hot dog or pasta or anything - because you'll practically be DIPPING THOSE SLEEVES IN THAT SHIT. And you KNOW it's going to stain, just to rub it in.

Receipts.

I just want a receipt - not a full scale replica of the Dead Sea scrolls, thank you.

Pictures with Shitty Designs and Captions.

Not to pick on these girls, but i just knew i could find these here.







That being said, anything that has a heart and says friends forever over a picture is terrible. These frustrate me so much I can't even write about them.

Sandals...Not the Resort

when people wear sandals like this:


and they have them too loose so that their toes hang over the front.

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU LIVE LIKE THAT?

Maps.

Ever spent at least 2 minutes trying to correctly fold up an overly large fold out map?

I have - and I've never felt more patronized by a inanimate object in my life. It's like someone giving you a 20 piece puzzle - "It'll take you like 30 seconds" - and spending the whole day working on it, with no food or bathroom breaks.

At one point you just decide, "F**k it - I'm just going to cram this piece of s**t into the back pocket of my car seat. Hopefully you make that decision quickly, because you could EASILY be unable to see absolutely anything with that massive map in front of you.

It might as well double as a sun guard thingy - so you don't brand yourself in the hip from the cherry-hot seatbelt buckle (another HUGE peeve of mine).

I'll take a spiral-bound map any day. Or staple the map to the ceiling of my interior. Or get a kindle and get creative. Whatever.

Gilmore Girls.

UGH. I cannot stand this show.

Nothing happens. All they do is talk. And talk. And talk.

There are no breaks in the conversation except to introduce a dramatic music-fueled moment of deep introspection.

NO ONE - IN REAL LIFE - IS AS WITTY AS THE CHARACTERS IN THE SHOW. It's impossible to think that quickly.

And does ANYONE have a relationship with their mother like the one on the show? NO. wtf. plz.


AND SO MANY RERUNS. FML.

Umbrellas.

Is there anything more awkward than having a shitty umbrella break on you while you are walking in the rain (as if that isn't miserable enough)?

They are virtually impossible to fix - almost as frustrating as trying to solve a Rubik's Cube.

And not to mention how dangerous they can be. I'd like to know how many people have had an eye painfully gouged from a backwards wrestling match with his or her umbrella, because it's GOT to happen. GOT to.

Pizza.

Ugh, this is about pizza cheese.

You know, when you go for a delicious bite of a gloriously greasy slice of pizza - but when you bite and then pull your mouth away from you, you end ripping ALL OF THE CHEESE OFF. It's like making out with a hot pile of grease. Understatement with the "hot". The layer of cheese scalds the skin and you cant taste anything for the rest of the week. Not to mention how you smell like a pizza the next day when you wake up - gotta love that grease oozing out of your skin.

UGH.

You have to do that stupid and awkward two-handed eating technique where you're trying to pin down the cheese with one hand and hold the slice confidently with the other - all while hunched over trying to prevent wearing the food in front of your mouth.

Sucks. Just put less sauce on and cook the pizza a bit longer. Ugh.

Bags.

It's late.

You've got a serious snack attack coming on.

You run to the convenience store down on the street corner.

You buy a bag of doritos/fritos/cheddar fries - your choice.

You bust back into your place, anxiously awaiting this delicious treat.

You break open that bag with voracity.

The bag rips hardcore down the side and your once coveted treasure is spilled all over the floor.

You stand defeated.

You fall on your knees - half in disdain, half to pick up the treats.



THIS IS A HORROR STORY. Why can't we make bags that don't do this bullshit?

Sunny D.

Books.

You're reading a book and the main character walks into a café in a quieter neighborhood of Paris. She is extremely nostalgic - she's 30 years old and coming back to the same café that she met her recently deceased husband in back when she took a semester abroad in college.

The author says something like this:

"The air hung heavy, yet light with the memories and the conversations of years and lives and loves gone by. [The main character] thought to herself, "This is uncanny - it's like time hasn't passed a single day since the day [her dead husband] and I met here ten years ago." She was right. The quaint café held the same [italicized random French phrase that means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING unless you speak French] she had remembered so vividly." (Johnson 89)

Why do authors writing in ENGLISH feel the need to use FOREIGN phrases in a DIFFERENT LANGUAGE THAN THE READERS' when trying to establish how culturally cultural their story is? If I'm reading the book in English - and the book is written in English - then why are there totally unexplained/undefined/untranslated phrases in another language in it?

Completely counterproductive.

Public Toilet Stalls

I FUCKING HATE when I get into a toilet stall and its a goddamn 12 step maze to get myself to the toilet and have to carry and manage all my stuff and straddle the toilet super awkwardly just to shut the stall door because the stall isn't long enough and there isn't enough space between the toilet and the door to stand between the two and close the door. gets me such a huff i want to rip all the sinks out.

Containers.

I went to go make a PB&J the other night, only to find an almost completely empty container of peanut butter in the pantry.

Why do people do these things? Is the trash barrel THAT far away? Is it THAT hard? There is clearly not enough left in the container to do anything with. I couldn't even rub what's left on my nutsack if I wanted to.

Similar with empty boxes of food. Why leave the empty box of pop-tarts in the cabinet if it's EMPTY. In most cases, you walk past the trash barrel when you walk out of a kitchen. You are only setting the next person who wants pop-tarts up for utter disappointment.

Just toss it in the barrel, don't cocktease us.

Leftovers.

I cannot stand when people keep leftovers that are NOT GOOD when you go to reheat them. How discouraging is it when you look in the fridge and find left over french fries in one of those white take out containers? Reheated, they are NEVER GOOD.

Actually, most fried things taste nasty when you try to reheat the leftovers. Scallion pancakes are pretty awful reheated too.

Pizza is pretty miserable reheated too - but that's no issue because cold pizza is almost better than normal pizza.

A Little Follow-Up.

Thank you so much Allie.

This is an example of what you, the reader, can do to make the Peeveblog even more amazing.

It relates to the "Picnic Tables/Benches" entry.

Picnic Tables/Bench-type Tables.

Has anyone ever gotten up from sitting in a picnic table gracefully?

No.

No chance. It is undoubtedly one of the most awkward body movements you could make. Not only is it extremely uncomfortable for the person getting up, but it is just as uncomfortable for anyone who is sitting down next to you or on the same bench - you're trying not to get kicked it the head while your buddy is dismounting the picnic table.

And the awkwardness doesn't stop there.

Everyone has to stop and watch and that person gets up. With grilled foods en route to their mouths, they freeze in response to the unfortunate public display of physical clunkiness.

Speed bumps.

I CAN TAKE THE HINT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

There are SO many speed bumps at the Oakwoods, where I am temporarily staying in Los Angeles.

They are at EVERY stop sign.

And when you can't find parking, you drive over all of them at least 3 times, hunting for spots.


I couldn't even go fast in this stupid complex if I wanted to.

Pencils.

Speaking of the last entry, I have a peeve pertaining specifically to mechanical pencils.

Mechanical pencils are great, don't get me wrong. You don't have to constantly sharpen it and rotate it to avoid writing in unintentionally and annoyingly huge letters like you have to with normal wood pencils.

But I cannot stand when you click the pencil for more lead just to get a tiny, broken piece of lead that just pushes back into the pencil when you go to write into it. You've got to try and pull this tiny piece out and then spend then next hour clicking your pencil to try and get another hopefully longer piece of lead. Or graphite. Whatever. Trying to avoid being that WICKED annoying dude who won't stop clicking his pen in class.

Gah.

Pens.

So, your friend doesn't know what something looks like. Let's continue to suppose that you are on a college campus or something similar and you have a pen and paper. You decide to quickly sketch out what a toilet snake looks like. You draw one long line, then bring the pen up the page again to draw another long line parallel to it. You press the ball point to the page and instead get a massive wet blob of ink smeared down, parallel to the first neatly drawn line.

wtf.

I hate these stupid blobs of ink from drawing quick, long lines. All too often, you end up getting an unnecessary amount of ink on yourself, making it look like you just graduated 3rd grade and are learning how to write with a pen. If it's on your shirt, you cannot stop thinking about the stupid ink blob on your shirt and EVERYONE can tell.

I should buy more pencils.

Nose Rash.

If you have ever had a cold or a runny/stuffy nose at any point in your life, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. You blow or wipe your nose too many times that you develop that stupid rash underneath your nose. And your nose continues to run. And the rash continues to worsen.

At one point, you try to even change the way you wipe your nose or something, thinking that maybe your wiping/blowing technique is causing the rash. But sadly, these are all things we like to convince ourselves into to feel like we are doing something to make us feel like the nose rash is less inevitable.

Chairs.

One thing I cannot stand are wobbly chairs. The legs are not the same length or SOMETHING and the chair wobbles.

It is not only unbelievably annoying, it can even be startling. You sit at a café. With a hot hot coffee/other café beverage. You go to sit on the chair, only to almost spill your drink EVERYWHERE because the wobble on the chair is so extreme. Not okay.

Can we just throw away all wobbly chairs? Maybe I can get some type of job where I determine whether or not a chair should be made judging by its wobbliness.

It's especially the worst when you get a desk/chair hybrid that wobbles. Good luck keeping your pen off the floor. Or preventing yourself from asking nasty, unshowered Susan to pick up your pen over and over again, causing you and everyone in class to see her grossgross asscrack.

Sudoku.

"SOO-DOUGH-KOO"

PLEASE. Not "soo-doo-koo" or "soo-doo-koh". All I can think about when you say this is Count Dooku, which has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with sudoku.


It's not too difficult to avoid pronunciation errors. Remember first grade?

"Sound it out."

Curb

Curb. (noun): an edging (as of concrete) built along a street to form part of a gutter.

Curb, NOT "Curve". when people say "curve" when referring to a curb i want to chokeslam them, it doesn't make ANY sense why something that has a large or even majority portion of itself laying in a straight line would ever be called a curve! yes, they sound slightly similar, but any basic knowledge of the english language will advise strongly against curve even being a possible name for curbs.

CHiPs

Chip bags are always half empty, never half full, yet chip companies somehow blow their load on making you pay even more for these bags of shitty stale-ass air. sucks, i just wanna snack.

Nuclear.

Pronounced "NEW-CLEAR".

No more of this silly George Bush-esque "newkya-ler". Where is that "y" sound coming from? NOWHERE.

That's like pronouncing "unclear" like "unc-ya-ler".

You sound like an idiot.

Barnes and Noble

Not "Barnes and Nobles". Or "Barnes and Noble's".

Neither are correct. There is nothing plural or possessive, just two dudes' last names.

Soda/Beverages.

When you buy a fountain drink or even just want some soda at home you've got to pour it into a cup.

But sometimes it's not that easy. There is one obstacle in the way.

FOAM/BUBBLES.


So irritating. It adds a completely unnecessary minute to the drink-pouring process. There should never be any waiting when you pour a drink.

It's either that or you totally underestimate the amount of foam/bubbles in your cup and walk away from the source only to find that layer of foam/bubbles has fizzled away to leave you with far less nectar than you had planned.

Disappointment.

Weather.

There is no way you can convince me that I do or do not think it's cold or hot outside. It's what I feel. There's no way you can tell me that I DON'T feel a certain way. It's not even a topic for argument. Fine, you're freezing. I'm not. Leave it there. I'm sweating balls, you aren't breaking a sweat, no big deal.

One-ply.

I'd rather NOT be wiping my ass with a brillo pad.

Undershirts.

Most people wear undershirts to avoid sweating through a tshirt they actually like.

There are only a few things more awkward to look at than someone who has poorly matched the tshirt he or she is wearing underneath another tshirt.

What I mean is when a dude is wearing an undershirt that is BIGGER than the shirt he's wearing over it. You get that goofy-looking overflow (or underflow?) that makes it look like there's some Austin Powers ruffly stuff going on at the end of the sleeves and the bottom of the shirt looks like the tiniest skirt. Not to mention the very noticeable lines from the undershirt folding over itself.

Maybe a look in the mirror. Or even looking down when you put a belt on.

Online Shopping.

Don't lie to me when I am shopping online.

When I click "view larger image" and get the EXACT SAME image in a separate window, I have not been fooled.

Idiots.

Beach/Pool.

You will see it from time to time over the summer.

When you go to the beach or maybe a family pool party or a random person pool party, you will find the not-comfortable-enough-with-my-own-body-so-I-wear-a-tshirt person.

Believe it or not, you are actually OSTRACIZING yourself even more by swimming with clothes over your bathing suit than you think you may already be ostracized without them. It looks silly and just screams to everyone: "I'm not okay with my body".

If you are truly uncomfortable with your body image, attracting more attention to it is only going to make you feel worse.

It's like if Waldo wore Day-Glo. It's going to be SUPER EASY to spot him.

Shoes.

In a similar context to Ryan's previous post.

I also like to add shoes to the mix. Maybe it's not such a great idea to walk around in suede or leather boots in a Northeast winter because you will inevitably get those SUPER obvious salt lines that will never leave them.

I can see doing it one day and ruining your shoes, but to continue doing so shows an inability to evaluate the poor decision of wearing the wrong type of shoes in the winter. Either that or you don't know how to NOT walk through salt filled puddles at the ends of streets or NOT have a snowball fight/day in the snow in those clearly inappropriate leather boots.

Jeans

kid trudges into class, male or female. it rained or snowed maybe yesterday or so. its a decent day out, no precipitation. however, this person has about the bottom 8 INCHES OF THEIR JEANS SOAKED, maybe with some salt stains at the top. arrggggg get jeans that fit PLEASE, or at least cuff them so that the jeans that are obviously and UNCOMFORTABLY 2-3 inches too long dont soak up half the mississippi to your mid-shin.

and on the same note, jeans that are super frayed so that a rectangle 3 inches high and 6 inches wide is missing from the bottom back of both the legs of jeans because the offender has been stepping on their excess jean for months. goddamn.

Menus.

I don't know how many people can really relate to this post.

I have no problem living in my neighborhood. Initially, when I would tell someone I live on Mission Hill it would elicit semi-disgusted reactions followed by something to the tune of "you don't really belong there, everyone who lives near Roxbury gets murdered - All the time".

Turns out the only people who live on the Hill are just Northeastern and Wentworth students. Nothing to be afraid of. Just don't wear Yankees or Giants gear outside around midnight on the weekend.


But the really annoying part of living in a neighborhood filled with mostly average/stereotypical college kids is the unsubstantiatedly and inanely large amount of take-out menus I somehow get in my mailbox (which is inside a locked foyer-type room).

I keep getting the same ones over and over and over again. I have about 5 copies of the South End Pizza take out menu. It's as if every month the tenants on Mission Hill change and local restaurants feel obliged to swamp me with useless take-out menus (campusfood.com? come on.).

Please. I get it. One is quite enough.

Public Bathrooms.

I cannot stand "wave-of-hand" activated bathroom stuff.

It always takes me 15 minutes longer than I have ever needed to dry my hands with the hand-wave paper towel machines at Emerson.

The water never stays on either. I always move my hand just off axis for the sensor or cause the soap thingy to go buckwild and squirt way too much soap all over the place.

They don't make things easier. You just look like an idiot and everything takes longer to do.



I also hate push-activated faucets. They had these at my high school. The whole design is that you set it to your desired water temperature then depress the faucet thing. By some mysterious force (hydraulics? wtf.), the water comes out of the faucet for a short time period that is supposed to be ample time for you to wash your hands in.

THESE NEVER WORK PROPERLY.

I always lather my hands with crappy pink soap then try to push down on the knob, only to get a short burst of water.

Now, I've got to get myself in the infinitely awkward position where I somehow manage to use my elbow to hold down the faucet device and wash my hands one by one. If someone came into the bathroom, they'd probably think I'm trying to plant a bomb in the sink.



Just give me knobs. And manual towel dispensers.

Actors.

If you are writing a movie or a TV show and you write a character who (for whatever reason) smokes a lot, do me one big favor.

Cast someone who actually knows how to smoke a cigarette.

I don't care about the actor's resume or the way he or she looks. I'm immediately going to write off the actor or actress if I can tell that he or she is clearly not smoking.

I attend an extremely arts-based college, I can tell you that there is no shortage of talented artists who smoke. So not being able to find an actor who has experience smoking is a bad excuse.

I'm not even going to list examples. There are too many.

Mail-in rebates.

Does anyone ever actually mail in mail-in rebates?

Without mail-in rebates, I would actually know what some items actually cost. And douchebag salespeople wouldn't have to weasel me around the actual price of something. Look. If I am going to buy this TV or buy this video game or buy this phone, I'm going to buy it. Mail-in rebates are actually turning me away from buying it.

Just post the normal pricing. Maybe I'll be happy to find out that it will actually be less with a rebate when I come in to buy the item. Maybe then I'll actually mail in the stupid rebate. Other wise, forget it.

freecreditreport.com commercials.

Non-musicians.

Look.

If you are going to cast a movie, TV show, commercial, WHATEVER, do not under any circumstances even think about filling that role of the hunky older brother who plays guitar with an actor who doesn't even know what a guitar is.

We can all tell that you're fumbling with that instrument like a middle schooler fumbles with his own junk after he eventually figures out what he can do with it. Please.

Examples:

1. freecreditreport.com commercials

2. Bring It On

Toothpaste/brush.

I know this is kind of a classic, but I hate when the toothpaste gets squeezed from the middle. It just makes the tube look like Dennis the Menace tried to sabotage your bathroom. It's all wrinkly and just gives an "I-still-do-a-lot-of-things-with-just-as-little-grace-and-attention-as-a-five-year-old" kind of look.




Same goes for ruthless toothpaste applyers. There is a way to put toothpaste on the bristles of your toothbrush without making such a mess of the toothpaste tube opening that the cap is glued to the tube overnight.





And please, buy a new toothbrush when the bristles start to curl so much that they don't do anything. You might as well just rub your teeth with a rag, there is NO brushing taking place at that point. Just get a new one. They are not expensive, so the price argument is useless.

Chill out.

I hate when girls untag themselves from pictures on facebook because they don't like how they look in the picture or it isn't very flattering. who cares? its probably a hilarious picture, and your friends have a right to see it and grill your ass over it, your facebook page isn't your modeling portfolio, shit.

Layers

So I like well-to-tight fitting jackets or sweatshirts/sweaters. This is sometimes accompanied by a slightly loose shirt underneath, and there are few things worse than a bad pairing in which everytime to transition from cold outside to warm inside you go to take off your sweater and end up looking like this guy inside a public place, or your shirt is just stuck up around your armpits, leaving your entire midsection inappropriately exposed.

That Was Easy....unless you screw up.

Ever screw up a stapling job? stapling is easy enough to do, but eventually everyone messes up a little bit. Well, if you mess it up and put the staple too far into the page it isnt fatal but goddamn does it piss me off. the result is this horribly asymetrical fold which can cut off chucks of text and is a hassle to flip pages. Below is a crude MS Paint diagram:

Literally.

A former high school teacher of mine (Ms. Keirstead) reminded me of this peeve.


Do not use "literally" to explain something you did "figuratively".

For instance:
"The exam was so hard, I literally killed myself afterwards."

There is nothing literal about that. The fact that I heard you say that proves that you did not "literally" kill yourself.

Or perhaps:
"I bought so many hookers in Amsterdam that my credit card literally melted."

Highly unlikely. Swiping a debit/credit card will not make it melt.
If this actually happens, please contact me. I will literally (yes, literally) send you a cookie.

How about:
"I saw my ex-boyfriend on the side of the road and I literally ran him over, I was so angry."

This had better be figurative. Otherwise, that's manslaughter.



So be careful with your hyperbole and DO NOT use "literally" about something that was actually figurative. Someone might actually think that you killed the clerk at 7-Eleven for taking too long to find a soft pack of Camel crushes.


P.B. (post blog)

Thanks to my brother Tom Gilbert for this. and this.

American.

If I know you, there is a very good chance we are pretty close in age, give a few years on either end.

Barack Obama is now the President of the United States of America.

When someone says; "I feel proud to be an American for once in a long time", I wonder what the hell they are talking about.

In all of those 17-23 years of your life (most likely only voted for one presidential election) when was the last time you felt particularly disappointed to be an American?

So America sucks unless you have things the way you want them. Sure.



Maybe, hopefully, you feel like this is what you meant to say:

"I finally understand what it means to be an American."



Just think before you say something like that. Life doesn't suck that much, it's completely unsubstantiated pessimism.

Driving.

I don't care whether you are alone on 93 going through the White Mountains, in traffic where Rte. 3 meets 95, or driving to Lil Peach to get condoms and bananas.


Be real. How much harder is it to move your left hand less than SIX INCHES to move a plastic arm that even SHUTS ITSELF OFF? Not much harder. Deal with it.



DO NOT be THAT GUY.
Use your blinker.

Radio

Huge peeve: I listen to the radio quite rarely. when I do, it is even more rare that I hear something that I like. it is excruciating to hear a song i like on the radio and then have it segway into another song and the announcer never tells you what it is because they said what it was before they played it or some stupid scenario like that. Or if you have to leave the car or turn it off before the song finishes and you can find out who it is by. SO annoying.

Attention

Something that really really destroys any hope I have in humanity is when girls exploit some gross situation to draw attention to themselves. Like if something is gross and then they totally flip out and yell and make a scene just so everyone will watch and take note that that individual thinks what is going in is icky. Chances are everyone agrees with you, and they are handling themselves. Fucking deal with it.

Broken Window Car Decorations

These never look good, and you sure as hell aren't fooling anybody.

Buffalo Chicken.

To all delicious local pizza eateries,


Don't puss out of your buffalo chicken by putting some bullshit imitation hot sauce creation on GRILLED CHICKEN. We can tell. And it's not good.

It feels and tastes like I'm trying to eat Keanu Reeves' leather pants from The Matrix.

So grow a pair, maybe spend that extra ten bucks, and lather some BREADED chicken tenders in a REAL hot sauce and then serve those little pieces of heaven to me in a calzone or a sub with lettuce and tomato.

Damn.

Sauce.

When I eat my pasta, I want sauce. Be it alfredo or what have you, I must have the sauce.

Some good pasta sauce is always a good thing.


But pasta sauce with massive chunks of tomatoes and onions and all the other stuff that went into making it is NOT okay. This isn't sauce, its chili.

Look.

If I wanted my sauce that way, I would've asked for salsa.

Pinball.

So while I was in Plymouth visiting my girlfriend, I went to an arcade.

I forgot how much I love arcades.

This was not the average arcade though. There were modern games, you know, your Time Crisis machines and your Daytona USAs. Upstairs, things got real. The top floor of this arcade is FILLED ENTIRELY with old classic arcade games. Dig dug, Tapper, Double Dragon, Pole Position 1 & 2, mario bros, donkey kong, and even track and field (one of my favorites).

More importantly, there was an whole wall lined with pinball machines. After cashing 20 bucks for game tokens (almost all of these classics were 1 token mind you), I decided that I should play every pinball machine there. This is where is center this blog entry back in line with its goal.

Why do pinball machines have so many ways that you can lose a ball and have no way to prevent it from happening? On about a fourth of the machines I played, I had at least one ball that found its way past my flippers without me even pressing a single button.

Is there any skill at all involved in pinball? No matter how good your flipper hand is, there is ALWAYS that ball that goes RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE. Or those two side lanes near the flippers that just send the ball out of play.

I just want to know which pinball guru decided that pinball should be the potentially easiest game to lose.



And those stupid "match" things and the end of each game are bullshit too. You never win those.

Chips.

Christmas Eve comes around every year and all I want to do is eat. My holiday consists of basically a massive buffet, complete with anything from chili to meatballs.

Then the side table.

This side table is filled with chips and DIPS. I LOVE DIPS. My mother makes a delicious onion dip every Christmas.

There is nothing more disappointing than losing your chip in a once-a-year dip.

Upper Lip Rash

So you know when you see a little kid running around, and they keep putting their ENTIRE upper lip into their mouth? And the reason they are doing that is because their whole upper lip is bright red from a rash that was induced by trying to constantly douse their lip in saliva? Well, the only thing less annoying than having even a little bit of one of those is seeing ANYONE else with one. No exceptions.

Cell Phones

If I take my phone out to IGNORE/SILENCE a necessary phone call (mom, girlfriend, etc.) it does not mean that I have broken the taboo and EVERYONE is entitled to check their phone. Simultaneously.


While watching a movie, no matter how much you hate it, texting is unacceptable. There is no person or situation that a text message conversation is warranted for.

Watching Movies

MOM MOVIE PET PEEVE

typically, movies that I watch with my mom are movies that I've already seen which I want my parents or family to view because I think they'll like it. Sometimes it is a movie I want to watch and a good way to include the family. However, one of the following scenarios eventually transpires:

1. My mom falls asleep, and starts snoring loudly, as in much louder than the movie we are trying to watch.

2. My mom leaves the room for one reason or another.

both of these scenarios result in my Mom coming back to senses and asking what she missed, to which my brother and I protest vehemently but our father forces us to pause the movie and explain what has happened, even having to explain up to a duration of 45 minutes of the movie. After that, she wonders why she doesn't understanding or didn't like the movie (not understanding that it is near impossible to explain the subtleties of 45 minutes of a well-crafted film). This ruins her perception of the movie, and can sometimes ruin my viewing of the film too.

GENERAL MOVIE-WATCHING INEPTITUDE PEEVE
When people ask questions about a movie that clearly have not been answered, instead of just waiting to see if the movie resolves their question. My response is inevitably "just wait and see what happens", or "the audience doesn't know yet". If you have questions about the movie, ASK AFTERWARDS.

If you're walking in front of me, walk faster.

Love,
Ryan

Buzzkill

since it is winter, this pet peeve is all the more prevalent. I HATE HATE HATE it when you run and jump to slide, be it on ice with shoes, a wood floor with socks, or just a wet surface, and instead of the desired effect of a long smooth ride, your foot just catches and you are forced to run it out awkwardly and with a deflated ego. There is so much ice that looks so prime for sliding, and being a boarder i enjoy sliding so i fall into this trap regularly. occasionally you will hit a slippery patch after trying to slide and maybe jerk around a little, making your back or neck sore the next day. so annoying. i'd rather get hit by a bus.

I was thinking.

Can anyone relate to the very real possibility of doing a miniseries strictly on seat belt-related peeves?



Just think about it. I guarantee you'll think of at least three right away.

Jay

A New Age of Irritation

This is the peeveblog. Our goal (yours truly, Jay and Ryan) is to paint our own image of the world through the lens of buzzkilling and supremely annoying slights that just, shall we say, rub us the wrong way. Ryan and I are sitting next to each other on a late late monday night (or tuesday morning) after a long round of four player Left 4 Dead. I shall lay down the first peeve in this chronicle of many.

Peeve #1: Stretchy T-shirt Necks.

I can't stand them. At all. Not even a little bit. I take a fair deal of heat from my girlfriend on this one too. I can't even sit on leather couches. The shirt rubs up on it and I get the stretch. Maybe a little warm outside. Then the INEVITABLE occurs.

The neck on my t-shirt stretches out all over the place. I look and feel like a fat kid who just ran the boston marathon for twinkies. Or like the chubby kid from Plaistow, NH with the awkward long hair who went to Hampton Beach with his parents the weekend after the Nascar race at Loudon and took a dip, came outside, got a sloppy italian sausage with burnt onions and then blew his year's worth of allowance money at the arcade trying to get first place in Daytona USA.

So so so so so irritating. It might be strange, you might not be able to relate, but I hate it and it just rubs me the wrong way. Just let it be.

Jay