Cereal Boxes.

Seriously.

How did I manage to ever get these bags of cereal open when I was a kid? With the added challenge of the early-morning-lack-of-strength, it is virtually impossible to bust open one of these cereal bags safely these days.

Vacuum packed and welded shut to keep your Lucky Charms shelf-life long enough to keep around for the nuclear holocaust. Thanks, douchebags.

OH.

And once I finally crack the safe with all the cool gadgets I got from Q over at MI6 (you've got to be James Bond to sneak into these boxes) the contents of the whole bag explodes and spreads everywhere like that cheap box of fireworks you bought from "some guy my brother knows" in the Costco parking lot in Nashua at 3am. Makes 52 card pickup actually look like family fun.

Once you jam that bag back into the box it belongs in - I DEFY YOU to fit that horribly misshapen box back into your neat little cereal section in the pantry. NOT GONNA HAPPEN, PAL. That box is as bloated as your mother after the company party at the Hong Kong - "I'll have another Mai Tai - IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!"


Where are the breakfast engineers.